I am secretly training an Army of pigmy leapords and digruntled grill chefs from waffle house franchises in the arts of samuria archery, sword fighting and preparing fine french cooked meals for the homeless Monks of Bangladesh. The leopards are highly sensative to the smell of Cardinal fans and sweaty ball sacks soaked in vinager and honey. Though both smells are similar, there is more of a cowardly scent that wharfs from the Fans of Red Bird nation. The leopards will track and capture the fans then store them in barrells of ball sacks from nuetered ex Cub players that have been soaked in the above mentioned ingredients.
After finishing their algebra lesson and a quick reading of Chang ki Shek 's biography along with self help books on coping with lepracy and it's affects on your love life. The angry Grill chefs will spar briefly with their leopard accomplices and then set out on a quest for indigent, yet polite, dwarfs from Austria and pan flute albums by Zamfir and ELO orchestra. Then after a short reunion with the, Highly trained leopards and some poetry reading by Regis Philbin and Dollie Parton, the oddly paired aliances of leapords and chefs will embark on a mission to over throw the Civitan Clubs of Canada. Seize their radio auction rights and sell off their captives for Cutlery and fine china to feed the homelss Monks of Bangladesh along with purchases of board games for blind Nuns and excenterfold models of Hustler magazine.
Finally when the Monks are fed and have eaten the last of the fluffy, yet perfectly textured french pastries and assorted souflettes, the army of highly trained critters and chefs will set out to right all the wrongs and misdeeds of Oil Zealots and Diamond Tycoons in this world. Striking with quick and deadly force using dull arrows made of rusty metal and dipped in molasses then coated with blood from HIV test clinics in Africa and Haiti. So to make the death both painful and slow, like that of falling gas and oil prices. Then taking the diamond from the safes of these overfed under empathetic demons and insert them into the ueretha of their genetailia . Then they will enjoy peanut butter sandwiches, with crunchy style Jiff, using their samurai skills and swords to spread the jam and Peanut butter simultaeneously on unleavened bread from Witchita Kansas bakeries. All the while singing Billie don't be a hero and Tiny Bubbles. Then relax watching the movies Pretty Woman and Repo Man with Emilio Estevez. After all this hey ride in their spiderman pajamas on Schwinn Stingrays back to Indiana for kick boxing lessons and body slamming techniques from Kristy "The Intimidator" Bastine and enjoy a rice krispie treat and Dr. Pepper.
